[10.02.25]
a nap after falling asleep for two hours after reading no longer human.

i was falling asleep in the dream too in a house foreign to me but it felt like my great-grandmas house i visited as a kid, i could feel how distant it was from the rest of the world.

i woke up in the dream in a totally different place but slighlty remember being woken up by my uncle moving me half-asleep like my dad would after a long car ride home at night. once again, i woke up in my nanas bedroom. the far too familiar bed, red shades on dimly lit beige walls. the kind of red you only see through the glass of a mosaic, or the burning of an apple cinnamon candle. my cousin was lifting a newborn baby on the bed as two distant cousins, the twins, sat on the couch no one ever sat on. as with any newborn baby, i did the obligatory hold for 10mins, staring at it and smiling. this seems to be an uwritten sign of respect. children are beautiful and the purest form of innocence but its funny how we all hold it to show respect instead of using words, primal in a satisfying way. silent apprection like this should exist more.

as the unfaimiliarity set in after being around family i got up to see if anyone packed my things. as i walk through the door i notice the house was renovated, its such a stange feeling to leave a place you call home only to come back and not recognize it at all. there were single chairs with otehr older people in my family from both sides sitting. as i walk down the hall i hear the familiar double wistle of a bird native to my state. the house at this point has become an amalgamation of every house ive ever lived in. i find my nana floating through the typical hallway with pursed lips whistling the sound of a bird, shes wearing a light blue cardigan with a long white and green vertical striped dress. i asked where my room was and she opened the door, i hugged her and said i love you. i dont know if its because she was the only person i felt comfortable with in the house, she reminded me of my mom or maybe i subconciously knew it would be the last time i saw her in the dream.

the room was more unfamiliar than ever and i looked at myself in an oval navy mirror on the wall. i forgot to mention that the dream started with me cutting two inches of hair off the back of my head after pulling it into a tiny ponytail for some reason. i checked the mirror but didnt really look and found the beanie i came to get. 

that room had another door leading outside, as i walked through knee high grass i noticed the old browned concrete road with simple powerlines running parallel. the road of the house we lived in during the divorce. it felt stangely comfortable.

as im walking back to the door, i notice a pack of brown bears splitting into different directions. bears are apparently what im most afraid of in my dreams, bears and lack of control. in typical fashion i cant open the door because my body isnt working until seconds before the bear eats me.

the screen door didnt lead back into the room but instead, a huge "safe" part of the forest.



[09.25.25]
i sat down at a table with two other people in a resturant where you cook the food in front of you, i dont know what they're called. there was a pink squid in the pan.

the whole resturant got quiet and everyone turned towards my table, a photographer walked in through the door and another photographer leaned into the booth behind me. the man across from me was proposing to his wife. i slid all the way down into my seat so that my eyeline was with the table. for some reason everyone was reassuring me that being there wasnt a big deal. 

strange. 



[09.23.25]
i was getting my hair cut by my friend whos a barber. i was in the chair looking out the window as he came walking up in a plague doctor outfit but for some reason he was walking like a stereotypical gangster while rubbing his hands together. 

after the haircut i went to a masquerade party in a gothic mansion like in saltburn. naturally, i hit a french exit and walked outside into the cold. the grass was covered in a thin layer of icy snow. its crunched beneath my feet as i ran towards the road but halfway through the front yard i turned around and took a picture of my footprints.

dead yellow grass and grey cloudy skies are all i ever see. i have a feeling someone picked me up at the road in a red car but im not sure.



[03.20.25]
i spawned in at sunset and was running down a hill against the wind. the sky was silver and the grass was orange. for some reason there were hot air balloons, which im afraid of but instead of using fire to ascend it was a million tiny balloons, like UP but way more. you couldn't even see the sky above you.

when i got closer i realized the basket was weirdly small and as i was climbing in i noticed two fat people behind me. there was absolutely no chance they would fit, i felt bad. they looked pretty bummed out.



[11.05.23]
I think every straight man has had this before but it wasnt what i expected. She has the aura of the girl from breaking bad, you know the one. I didnt see her face at all, i think this has made me realize how big perception plays a part in how we view the world. The way you feel about someone is how you view them, deep down the physical world means nothing.

me and my co-worker were at a bar drinking but i wasnt drunk at all, it seemed like i had never met this guy but i knew we worked together by the fact we were wearing the same clothes. my dreams play like a movie so from there it jumped to me getting him out of the car and basically carrying him inside his house. At this point im not thinking highly of this guy at all and we make it through the door and i throw him on the couch and as i look up i see his wife. It was just a glowing white silhouette but i knew she was beautiful. I felt a sense of disappointment or exhaustion, like she was sick of him. I couldnt understand why she was with him but not in a "why isnt she with me" way...just in general. This felt like it lasted longer than anything else in the dream. Then it cut to her thanking me as i walked back to my car.

i feel like this type of dream probably represents a lack of control.